I can not believe I am doing this again. Yet, here I am training for a very intense 3 weeks to have a partnership with Barkley that hopefully will change my life as it did with Delsie. Delsie. Just typing out her name makes my heart palpitate and tears well up in my eyes. I knew it would be hard to leave her behind. I don't think I realized just how difficult to not be around her for 3 weeks. It's a physical ache when I remember her and even compare her to Barkley, my successor dog. What pressure- even the title of our partnership-success. Gulp. I already feel as if I have failed him. I refer to him as she, I've called him Delsie and even praised him as a good girl. Oh boy- poor guy. It's not fair. My heart is with Delsie. My thoughts focused on how she is doing rather than concentrating on how I could make my new partnership with Barkley a success. Delsie knows my every move just as I know hers. Barkley is adorable. But a stranger. He has no clue how to help me and I have no idea what motivates him.
I am so fearful that I won't bond with Barkley as I did with Delsie and because of this, always compare him to my pretty girl. Are my expectations to high? I have known him for two days and her for 10 years. Of which, she has never left my side. I want that back. And probably bigger than that, I would like to be 10 years younger and 10 years earlier in my disability...looking back doesn't get me anywhere.. I have to trust that eventually my heart will catch up with my head. Barkley is one handsome dude. On his looks alone, I need to fight to make our partnership a success. Reality is that I am 10 years older and my disability has progressed 10 years but it is a new chapter in my life. A clean slate. A fresh start. I owe myself that and certainly Barkley.
So that would be a good start- a goal to accomplish- the challenge would be to not compare him with her. To be open to Barkley and his silly quirks, his awesome skills and figure out his favorite toy. He deserves that.
Thanks for your patience, Barkley. I am determined to make our partnership a success.
I am so fearful that I won't bond with Barkley as I did with Delsie and because of this, always compare him to my pretty girl. Are my expectations to high? I have known him for two days and her for 10 years. Of which, she has never left my side. I want that back. And probably bigger than that, I would like to be 10 years younger and 10 years earlier in my disability...looking back doesn't get me anywhere.. I have to trust that eventually my heart will catch up with my head. Barkley is one handsome dude. On his looks alone, I need to fight to make our partnership a success. Reality is that I am 10 years older and my disability has progressed 10 years but it is a new chapter in my life. A clean slate. A fresh start. I owe myself that and certainly Barkley.
So that would be a good start- a goal to accomplish- the challenge would be to not compare him with her. To be open to Barkley and his silly quirks, his awesome skills and figure out his favorite toy. He deserves that.
Thanks for your patience, Barkley. I am determined to make our partnership a success.
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